Kentucky basketball needs an animated broadcast and the perfect choice isn't Disney

We’ve officially entered the era where sports broadcasts don’t just show you a game, they re-skin reality.

The NFL has done the animated alt-cast thing. The NBA has leaned into themed presentation, too. And once you see Mickey Mouse pop up next to a box score, your brain goes to the only logical place:

What would Kentucky basketball’s version be?

Not “will it happen.” Just… if it did, what should it be?

And no, we’re not recycling the obvious ones that have already been used elsewhere. Kentucky deserves its own lane. So, that eliminates Toy Story, Mickey and friends, Sponegbob, and Monster's INC.

Kentucky basketball needs a theme that matches Big Blue energy

A good crossover needs three things to be succesful. You need a big cast so each player or a majority of them can be shown as characters. You need a visual hook that makes it sharable, and you need a fanbase that would actually watch it.

Here are the contenders that actually fit that style.

Hercules, Hercules, Hercules

Yes, we know that is Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor, but Hercules is the cleanest Disney choice for Kentucky basketball. Strength, villians, iconic characters, it's a good match. And the soundtrack would even be complimentary to a sports game.

You could give Kentucky’s hot hand the “Hercules strength meter.” Every made three gets you closer to “Olympus Mode.” The opposing big man becomes a Cyclops the minute he picks up his fourth foul.

Zootopia would print jokes for an entire season, and it is a box-office smash

Zootopia gives you endless little TV-ready bits. You have Nick Wilde launching from the logo, Judy Hopps chasing down a block on a fast break, a turnover where someone doesn't get back? Enter Flash Slothmore.

Also: if you don’t think Rupp would embrace animal puns at an elite level, you haven’t been online during a Tuesday night win.

Finding Nemo would be absurd in the best way

Underwater basketball is already funny. Underwater Kentucky basketball is even better.

Threes become “bubbles,” blocks become “reef swats,” and yes, Crush absolutely plays point guard. Don’t argue with me dude.

A Bug’s Life might be the most sneaky-perfect Kentucky theme

Here’s the pitch: Kentucky as the ants. The SEC as the grasshoppers or vice-versa.

That’s not disrespect, it’s a story everyone understands. You can even do a team only broadcast where the radio announcers are given the ability to call the game on ESPN+.

The graphics write themselves:

• “Swarm stops” tracker
• “Sugar rush run” when Kentucky goes on a 12-2 spurt
• The “grain” counter for offensive rebounds

It has a ring to it. But the best answer is a franchise about plumbers.

A Super Mario-Kentucky basketball crossover would go nuclear

Heat checks become fire-flower mode, fast breaks triggers the star power-up, Bowser swatting shots into the second row with Koopa troopa's in the stands. Free throws and made shots are hit with the coin sound. Bowser theme during crunch time, game over music on turnovers.

How has this not happened already?

Will it happen now? Probably not.

But when it does, give me Mario. Every time.