Kentucky Basketball: 5 Rival Players BBN Hates

Kentucky Basketball maintains the most passionate fanbase in the country, but who are the BBN’s most hated rival players?

Horse racing, fried chicken, and basketball. That’s what Kentucky does! And in basketball, in this state and in the surrounding area, we dominate. Our competition is decidedly inferior. Tennessee Basketball sucked until two seasons ago, had their fun in 2018 & 2019 and is about to spiral back to desperation. Louisville is being viewed as a top-10 team heading into 2020 but they spend more time talking to Chuck Smrt than playing postseason basketball. And Indiana? Remember Kent Benson? Yeah, neither do I. Kentucky Basketball reigns supreme over its rival forces.

Those three are fiercest as a Kentucky rival. Over the years, each of these teams produced dozens of great players; but I’m here to select the top-5 players that all of BBN hates. Due to my spry age and even sprier depth of Kentucky Basketball knowledge, I’m limiting this to the past decade. Look, I’m sorry for making every list 2010s based but come on, we only get the end of a decade every, what, like 12 years? Gotta milk the content while I can. Here are the five most despicable human beings to suit up for some of the biggest rivals of the Kentucky Basketball program.

5. Michael Qualls (Arkansas)

Michael Qualls, in case you forgot, donned the rival Razorback uniform from 2013 to 2015. On the basketball court, this dude was a Demogorgon Bad Boy Piston that escaped from the Upsidedown and found the perfect college reincarnation of the ’89-’90 Detroit teams. Qualls was a black dreaded renewal of Bill Lambier; someone who played with reckless abandon, started dozens of fights and used physicality on the basketball court the way a high school senior uses a pencil on the ACT. I’m sure Arkansas fans relish his ludicrous missed dunk attempts and 1-on-3 brawls but I don’t miss it at all. He wasn’t good enough to be a punk but he did finish a slam dunk alley-oop at the buzzer to beat Kentucky one year so maybe that’s why I hate him a little extra.

4. Tyler Davis (Texas A&M)

Davis was a commanding slobber knocker in the post during his time at Texas A&M. The orca Aggie center possessed the size of Andre the Giant and the raw strength of Hulk Hogan, and he killed the Kentucky Basketball squad every single time the two sides met. Davis was the Sarlacc monster from The Last Jedi and he swallowed the Jango Fett’s of Kentucky–Skal Labissiere, Alex Poythress, Marcus Lee, Derek Willis, Nick Richards, and Sacha Killeya-Jones (a murderers row of weak inside presence). I’m running out of ways to describe how freaking ginormous Davis was and how effectively he used his tiger shark body to dominate weaker foes–by the way, everyone was weaker than Davis. God damn, he was annoying. There’s nothing more frustrating than watching a missed shot bounce off the rim only for Davis to bulldoze hopeless Nick Richards 10 rows into the stands on a block-out with his gargantuan backside and grab an offensive rebound. An incredible talent that I couldn’t stand. He did something right.

3. Montrezl Harrell (Louisville)

Harrell gets a terrible rap among Kentucky fans. During his time at Louisville, Harrell was a savage power forward and played his ass off every minute he was on the floor. Personally, I loved it. As a rival, that makes him immediately hateable. Harrell was an animal on the glass and a freight train in the pick-and-roll. As a pure hustler who lacked the refined skill of most Kentucky recruits, Montrezl sieged advantage on the court by out-working and physically demolishing his adversaries. Almost by accident, Harrell inflicted pain. Play 40 minutes against Montrezl Harrell–especially as a teenage freshman at Kentucky–and you’re going home looking like Rocky after the first fight with Apollo. Harrell beats dudes up by merely being himself. I know everyone reading this hates Harrell with every fiber in their body, so I’ll put him third. I’m a man of the people. (MontrezL’s Down).

2. Marshall Henderson

Henderson was a two-and-done at Ole Miss in 2013 who came directly from Junior College. His appearance and demeanor presented a true outlaw. I actually think there’s about a 35% chance Henderson earned his Ole Miss scholarship by winning MVP of the Texas Corrections Association intramural basketball league. His boorish demeanor, polka dot smile, neck tattoos, and disorganized mohawk reek of Meth addiction and a lengthy prison sentence. I’d still post bail. This kid could score. And he was a hyena on the basketball court. Like a white Russell Westbrook who actually backed up his on-court persona with serious let’s grab a pair of revolvers and duel over this jump ball threats. While this is an exaggeration, I wouldn’t totally put it past him. If Henderson was 5% more mentally stable, he would have stuck in the NBA and certainly out-done the Artest Melee. Super conservative Mississippi could barely handle him. Imagine a Los Angeles team dealing with a lunatic white man who almost certainly holds racist views. We really missed out on Marshall Henderson in the NBA. I’m so upset.

1. Grant Williams

Two-time SEC Player of the Year and the winningest player in the history of the program in head-to-head matchups with Kentucky. Screw that guy. Williams was the bane of my basketball watching existence over the past two seasons, and I already have a feeling the demons of overlooking him during my NBA Draft coverage are going to haunt me throughout the 2020s. Of every player on this list, Grant Williams is my least favorite rival as a pure basketball player. Why? The flopping, it’s gotta be the flopping. Williams is a fantastic player, don’t get me wrong, but the way he manipulates referees twists my stomach. I want to projectile vomit when I see his pudgy 6’7 frame crash to the floor. Nobody enjoys it. Usually, when a player takes a charge, they’re celebrated and lifted off the ground immediately by their teammates, a la Brad Davison. Williams’ flops exhausted even his own team. By the end of the season, Jordan Bone and Admiral Schofield just sighed and strolled over to help Grant off the ground whenever he flopped. It’s ridiculous. Nobody wants to watch a basketball game with 27 free throw attempts for one player. And the refs lost control midway through last season. They never make the correct call. Officials treat Grant Williams like he’s MJ or LeBron. Nonsense! Williams is the Night King and the zebra-dressed rule enforcers are his white walkers. I hate having my sports mixed together. Leave the flopping to Messi and Ronaldo. Good riddance, Grant Williams. The Kentucky Basketball family is toasting your departure.