Top Five Things to do this football season since we are not going to a Bowl

Boy, that was bad. I woke up late on Saturday (after some very serious partying) and realized I hadn’t sent my staff pick ’em games in. So I emailed Paul, our edictor, wihth my picks without loooking at any of the scores (I have to retain my pick integrity after all). He responded back so quickly that i could swear I heard him laughing when he saw that I had picked UK, despite already being down big in the first half. And as the sun set on that Saturday, I realized something: I’m an idiot.

There was no chance. Looking back at the game, it was probably better I was hung over and asleep; I didn’t have to watch that slaughter.

So here we are, on the precipice of not making a bowl game for the first time in however many years and you know what? It doesn’t matter. Naysayers of last year were saying they would rather not go to a bowl game than the BBVACXYZAWLOL bowl. Well, you got your wish. Georgia has proven to be…well, Georgia again, and after that, a chance to salvage one good thing out of this year. But even if we beat those filthy f***ing Volunteers we’ll only get five wins on the year and that won’t even get you to the Liquid Plumbr Toilet bowl. So what are you going to do with your post Christmas/pre- New Year’s down time?

Here are some suggestions.

Go Surfing with Darth Vader- I don’t know how the surf is on Tatooine, but if the Sith Lord is pumped up enough to go, then by golly you should be too. Surfing might be a little easier with the Force keeping you upright, but Darth is one heck of an instructor and while he may not be your father, he is the father of the rare seen “Jedi board hang”.

Go to Nashville- i know, why would you want to go to Nashville if we weren’t playing a bowl game there? There are several fun things to do in the Music city beside watching another UK bowl game. You can go to one of the many bars in the area and hear great live music every time, and go to Opryland and check out the Christmas lights. You might actually find Nashville is more fun without going to a football game. It definitley is, actually.

Go picket Bruce Pearl’s Radio Show- The orange wonder (no word on whether the orange is a result of self tanner or body paint) has gone from collegiate hoops pariah to regional grocery pusher to a bi-weekly college hoops call in show on Sirius radio, set to debut today. There isn’t really any convtroversial material that would warrant a picket line, I just think it would be fun way to spend your December. Shout insults and harsh criticisms all you want, but please, no pictures. They give Bruce memory loss.

Go wait for Urban Meyer to arrive at Penn State- After the incredibly tragic events that have been uncovered and summarily got everyone fired, including a coaching legend. Vegas oddsmakers have now listed Urban Meyer as the favorite to take over the helm at the football pwerhouse. Say what you want about the guy’s penchant for recruiting future convicts (and it will probably be true), but the man can coach.

Get up to New York for the Big East/SEC invitational- I have been snapping at people all season for saying,”Is it basketball seaosn yet?” I have said often that such comments are the reason why I don’t like some UK fans. Every sport deserves their own season, and despite how excited everyone (including myself) is about this season, enough attention and fawning will be made over this team as we steamroll our way through any competition. Since the football season wil officially be over before this tournament kicks off, I can finally say “Yes, it IS basketball season.” We can now go back to ignoring C.M. Newton field.