“Welcome to my tomb of doom…” lame.
“I’ll get you my pretties and leave the uglies too…” nope, I think its been done before.
“Whoo HA HA HA HA…” wait, strike that. Amend with “S – LOL!” (Scary Laugh out Loud). Now we’re rolling.
Begin Halloween Blog Article NOW.
I’m sure you just recently come home from trick-or-treating on this Halloween night, tagging along with your little monsters as they trek down the street dressed as goblins but acting like the dispossessed, perpetuating the tradition of children swindling single, childless saps like me to give them candy. Great, thanks parents of America. I certainly appreciate your version of handing Junior a sign that says “Hunagary Will Wurck 4 fud” and putting them out to the street to earn one chocolate bar at a time. Next year though, I would appreciate it if you put as many layers as possible on them, had them roll around in the leaves from your tree and Sr Barksalot’s feces that have both landed in my front yard. Once clothed properly as homeless, set them on the world to reap the benefits of my hard work in the form of candy.
YES – I am bitter. I can’t help it. What’s happened to me? I love Halloween. I don’t care that the little football with no arms poking through can’t even eat chocolate since he doesn’t have teeth. But how can one celebrate this night of terror with the news that Kim Kardashian and hubby Kris Humphries have called it quits – FOR REALS!
I mean, I just don’t ever envision that I’ll find someone to make little monsters with. I mean, it was 72 days. If love like that can be over that quickly, how shall I ever find ever lasting love? E! did a special on this wedding. It was like Price so-and-so and Catherine-whatcha-call-er if the US had a Queen of their own. Royal Couple who? I’m heartbroken. And the shock of it all – I feel like the Sandra Bullock/Michael Oher movie should be renamed to “The Football Diaries” so they can make a movie of this marriage and subsequent divorce and entitle it “Blindside -ed”.
To keep from feeling this way again, I’ve compiled my list of people to start expecting to be divorced. I need to prepare myself. I can’t take the news via Twitter, I need emotional support, not Tech Support when delivered with bad information. So here we go, the top 5 Athlete-‘celebrity’ couples that could be bound for the same frightful fate.
5. David/Victoria Beckham. – Well if David Beckham was still a soccer player and not just some sort of hair model that kicks a ball around, this former Coal-power couple, turned wind turbine would be higher on the list. With the gruesome two-some not being in the lime-light after his failed attempt at US soccer and her failed attempt at a reality TV show during that time, they’ve disappeared faster than the apple-pizza at Mr Gattis following @Catsfanboogie… their love may have disappeared too.
4. Ashley Judd Dario Franchitti – I saw a few Risky Business, Tom Cruise costumes this weekend at various parties. Well, I still remember when Ms Judd-Franchitti posed in her UK Hockey Jersey to earn some Business for the Puck of it (the UK Hockey Fundraiser Calendar). As for this relationship, I bring it up only in the circumstance that if it were to ever happen, you reserve the spot to be at her door step when she needs that shoulder to cry on. Think of it as Big Blue Madness ticket line on steroids. Besides, sometimes you just want to expect the worst but hope for the best, I’ll let you decide which outcome is what.
3. Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson – Kendra is most famous for dating Hugh Hefner and being a girl next door from 2004-2009 and anyone that can kiss someone 50 years older than they are definitely has a touch of crazy. Now after January divorce rumors, her unemployed NFL wide receiver husband might be expecting to go deep on a route only to have the intended pass intercepted – that isn’t a hyphen its the line and I think I crossed it.I can see hell, fire , and a marriage tombstone in the near future for this relationship.
2. Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian – Seriously, you thought this nightmare of a marriage would end before Kim’s didn’t you? Well just call me Lon Freddie Kruger because I’m telling you that Elm street runs straight through the Staples Center and its one you haven’t woke up from. Lamar married into the fam of cable-lebrities and put his face on the wall as the next Kardashian to wind up with a tan line on the ring finger…
1. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen – I mean, his wife is B-eautiful. His hair is B-reathtaking, and Mr B is all but the B-est in the NFL not named Tim Tebow (seriously Tim Tebow?!?!). And Mrs B – well she’s an A, and I’d recon an A++ if I was still in K-indergarden. But keep in mind, the human male is made to wonder and Brady has been at this act before as witnessed by Brady’s departure from HOT g/f and baby momma Bridget Moynahan to SIZZLING Bundchen. Find the next hottest thing and he could pass on Bundchen for greener pastures.
Extra Credit . Rick Pitino and Joanne Minardi – If you’re going to pull your best Tammy Wynette act and stand by your man, you do it until the spotlight is off. This marriage can only take so much and as Rick shows evidence he is getting crazier and crazier, I would expect divorce papers to start flying.
Seriously – Happy Halloween and be careful! Those little monsters are hard to see sometimes.
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