The Louisvile Cardinal Football Program deserves "the Look"

Have you ever gotten “The Look” from your parents? For me it wasn’t my parents, but my grandfather. An amazing man, but very stern and strict and I spent many years learning from him; but I would take 10 high-volume rants compared to one “look”. You know exactly what I mean: that rising yell that gets caught right above your Adam’s apple that hits a wall, swells for a moment, then dies as an ashy cloud of disappointment and resignation that can only mean that there’s nothing left to say. That’s how I feel about you, University of Louisville.

I hate the fact that I even have to make fun of you to get my hate out. If I could, I would just send out brain waves that I imagine look like heat waves and the amount of fail that you know you are would simply heat up and wilt your body. Not that you need and anymore wilting or heat on your body, those new uniforms look pretty shrink wrapped on anyway and led to one of the most awkward football pictures ever:

For those of you who don’t know what the male version of a camel toe is, it’s called a Moose Knuckle. For those of you who don’t know what a camel toe is, don’t ask me. Consult your nearest dirty word website or your local 6th grader. One thing I actually hate them less for is that they are no longer taking the whole “Blue/White University vs. Black/Red University” thing so extremely anymore. If you were the genius behind that one at UofL, let me tell you honestly: you’re an idiot. You only need one color difference to create a properly recognized division of fan base; just ask South Africa (too soon?).

I hate the fact that we even have to play you all in a game and act like it matters, you lost to FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL last week. Yeah, we were down to Central Michigan for a while, but it really doesn’t matter how long we were down to them as long as we’re up when the 4th quarter ended. FIU scored halfway through the first quarter and three minutes into the second had a lead that never dropped into single digits. The fact that we even have to pretend that we are contending against you all for “state dominance”, recruiting or playing, is laughable.

I hate the fact that Card fans think that Charlie Strong is a better coach than Joker Phillips; the guy was an coordinator at one of the most visible universities during on of the best runs in their already storied history and still couldn’t parlay that into a higher prospect job than Louisville. Then he goes and hires a guy that might turn out to be a major player in one of the biggest college football scandals in history; and you still can’t out-recruit Tee Martin.

I hate the fact that you still think you have a remotely tough schedule, you have two ranked teams to play (currently, and I will bet a year’s worth of blogging salary one won’t be by the time they play them) and neither are inside the top-15. Don’t come up and act like the Big East is anything but a decent basketball conference, I will hit you in the mouth. But watch out, I’ve heard that cheap mouth grills cut both your gums and my knuckles. You have to know you’re the epitome of “the look”.

Just accept the hate.

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