Kentucky Wildcats Basketball – What I hate about you: Tennessee Volunteers

Yes, it’s going to be one of those posts, so put the kids to bed and phone the neighbors.  This is going to be an especially venomous edition of “What I hate about you” simply because I am in a foul mood, I hate Bruce Pearl and the Tennessee Vols, and we have a two game losing streak to snap.  So as Dave Lambert told Little Lupe on Howard Stern, it’s time to “let the poison out”. 

First off, what the hell is a Volunteer?  I have to state that I hate confusing mascots scenarios such as an Elephant for the Crimson Tide or the dual “War Eagle/Tigers” thing that Auburn has going on.  So what do the hated Volunteers have?  They have a coonskin wearing cap fool that could pass as the seventh member of the Village People  and a flea ridden dog they affectionately call “Smokey”.

In doing my “research” for this story, I stumbled upon an account of how “Smokey” go the be the Volunteers mascot and I have to say that it sounds like an incredibly lame event even for the mid 1950’s:

"Until 1953, UT’s mascot was all “no bark and no bite.” The reason was simply because the University didn’t have a live mascot to help support it teams. That year a student poll suggested that they wanted a mascot and the UT Pep Club began the selection process. Any drama concerning the type of animal that would be featured quickly faded when it was announced that the chosen mascot would be a coon hound, a breed native to the state. However as the school paper noted, “This can’t be an ordinary hound.” He must be a ‘Houn’ Dawg’ in the best sense of the word.”The late Rev. W.C. Brooks entered his blue tick hound, Smokey, into the hound dog competition that took place during half time of a 1953 home game. The hound put on such a crowd pleasing performance that the fans were quick to jump on top of old Smokey for their choice. The competing dogs were lined up on the old cheerleaders’ ramp and then introduced one at a time over the loudspeakers. When it was Smokey’s turn he received the loudest cheers after he barked when his name was called out. Upon hearing the crowd’s response Smokey howled again. The sequence of howling and cheering gained momentum until the whole stadium was rocking. That day a star and the new UT mascot were born."

Sadly to say, that moment was the crowning achievement of the lives of 90% of the UT fans that attended the game.  So according the tradition, the name “Volunteers” came from the willingness of the state of Tennessee’s population to “volunteer” for key military operations in US History. That, my friends, is honorable and I applaud the people that did volunteer to help their country.

But unfortunately, it is 2011 and the word “Volunteers” would not apply to the band of miscreants that has been put together lately in the past few years in Knoxville.  Unless we are talking about volunteering to remove innocent bystanders of “everything that they have”.    Or whatever plans players planned to pull off with a handgun with altered serial numbers.  Or volunteering to drive drunk.  I could go on, and there are plenty more violations, but my favorite area of Tennessee volunteering are the “Orange Pride” girls, or hostesses as some called them that took their feminine charms on the road and handled those recruiting chores, um with a smile. 

With such antics as that, the term Volunteers has taken on a whole new meaning than was originally intended and it does disservice to the proud Tennesseans that volunteered for this country, so with this in mind, I would like to present you with what I think should be the new mascot of these Tennessee Volunteers.

Notice that I did keep the integrity of the Tennessee Orange color in the new prototype for the mascot, but seriously.  Who else would want that color.  It’s a pumpkin orange color so vile that even pumpkins try to regurgitate themselves of it.

And another thing we can thank the Volunteers for is effectively killing the “black uniform” craze that was so prevalent two seasons ago.  Remember, it was all the rage to go with an “black” football uniform because 99% of the time, black football uniforms look really cool.  Until this happened

After this hideous monstrosity was unveiled… you did not hear as much buzz about black uniforms anymore.  But this is all documented reasons on why to hate the Volunteers in general.  Tonight’s game at Rupp will mark the return of one of the vilest reasons to despise the University of Tennessee.

Now I know I go n these rants about a few select teams, but for some teams, I really can’t tackle the arrogance of their fans as much because some teams, like Florida, have actually won something.  Tennessee fans are equally arrogant and even claim to have overtaken Kentucky in the sport of basketball, which is blasphemy at best.  Despite all the smack talk, all the bravado, all the insults Volunteer fans have hurled at Kentucky basketball, here is their proudest achievement:

Yes, Virginia.  The Volunteers hang Elite Eight banners.  I have to imagine that when Pat Summit plays her games on the court named after her, she has to b
e amused and wonder what all the fuss is about Bruce Pearl and his one Elite Eight banner amidst her eight national title banners.  I would think she think it’s cute and wonder what the fuss is all about. 

Public enemy number one.  Not only to Kentucky fans, but to the NCAA, the SEC, and of course Illinois fans.  It’s hard to remember now that Bruce Pearl made his mark in college basketball twenty years ago by being a whistleblower or a snitch when he was an assistant at Iowa. Never mind the fact that the NCAA was unable to verify Pearl’s claims, the Illini still went on probation.

We’ve had to endure all these teary eyes interviews by Pearl when he talked about the pain he suffered and the what the toil of “doing the right thing” did to his career.  And based on that, it would not be hard to have some sympathy for the guy and consider him an alright guy.

Until this year, when it was revealed that the whisteblower had gone bad and Bruce Pearl was guilty of lying to the NCAA over something that may have not been a huge violation taken by itself.    But it’s not just the lie that irks me.  It’s the sheer arrogance of the lie.  You see, Bruce was asked about an barbecue that Tennessee recruits attended and Bruce lied about the details of the event.  Never mind the fact that the barbecue was held at Pearls house.  After being presented pictures of the event, Bruce swore he did not recognize where or when the event took place.  Needless to say that when there is smoke there is fire and if you are going to lie about recognizing your own house … well there is probably more.  And more recruiting violations came out concerning excessive phone calls to recruits. And what did Bruce do?

He broke down and cried.  What else could we expect.  Not like Bruce was going to take the mans way out and fall on his sword and step down.  No, despite lying to the NCAA, Bruce somehow remains employed and actually will be on the sidelines at Rupp tonight.  It all seems hypocritical when you consider Pearl’s comments when he announced that Tyler Smith would be dismissed from the Volunteers basketball team:

"“I am deeply troubled and saddened.  Playing basketball at the University of Tennessee is a privilege, and where conduct is displayed that is detrimental to the team and the university this discipline is required. Tyler has accomplished a great deal, and we are all disappointed his playing career at the University of Tennessee will end this way.”"

So what’s up Bruce.  Were your actions not detrimental enough to the team and University that the “privilege” of coaching Volunteers basketball be revoked?  Or is it just easier to dole out punishment on a kid and not practice what you preach.  Oh sure, we know that you took a “voluntary pay cut” but you are still making more than what most families in the US earn a year.  Why not dismiss yourself?  Or do you just plan to bring the whole program down with you?

Ugh. Actually there is so much more to hate, but I think I have gotten enough venom out.  I could bring up how Tennessee fans are so fixated on Kentucky losing to VMI and Gardner Webb a few years ago when their team lost to Oakland, Charlotte, and College of Charleston in a span of six games this season?

Or we could discuss the illustrious and productive playing career of one Stephen Pearl?  Nah, let’s save it for another game.  Let’s just let this guy here sum up what we are all feeling:

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