Last year I did a few articles about the objects of my loathing, and it was good. I got some frustrations out, had some laughs, and maybe gave you some good reasons to hate on some of our favorite rivals. Unfortunately, another site has felt the hate and devoted a whole day to hating on Louiscille, which not only moves in on my territory but makes me sound unoriginal. So this very special hour of hatred will be brought to you with a little more creativity and personality than most; no Karen Sypher jokes, no 15 seconds of shame, and no hairbrush jokes. That being said, I am SO ready for this hatin’ to start.
I hate Louisville. Surprise, they are the in-state rivals and the antithesis of the Kentucky fan. Whereas the Kentucky fan is loyal, knowledgeable, and polite, the Louisville fan is obnoxious, classless, and completely oblivious to the history of the Cards’ “tradition”. We’ve all seen the pictures of jawline beards, “The Ville” jerseys, and flat-billed hats across the tailgating scene, but what you can’t get from those pictures is the attitude of the typical UofL fan. Having been to several games in the pizza pit, I have heard more anti-UK talk than pro-Cards talk when other patrons of the game walk by. Whether it was making fun of Jared Lorenzen’s weight (are we still in middle school? Making fun of someone for their appearance?) or just simply yelling obscenities about the Cats, there was more negative talk than a Steve Kragthorpe job fair. It’s ridiculous, but not surprising.
It’s not just the people, it’s the University. When your athletic facilities sound more like a mall food court than a collegiate venue, you know you’ve got a problem. It’s naming their marching band “The UofL Red Rage” (seriously) and that stupid hand sign (hey kids, keep using your left hand to make the “L” sign. It looks like an L to you, and that’s all that matters, right?). Oh, your new head coach is named Strong? Marketing gold, let’s plaster the city with “Stand Strong” billboards. Now let’s watch the fans strongly stand and walk towards the door when they are trailing by 14 points in the 3rd quarter. Honestly, if you can’t even sell out games BEFORE you expand your stadium, what makes you think that dropping millions into expansion is a good idea? They did have a good thought when they decided to build the stadium with a quarter of the possible seating space going to a Cardinal museum of mediocre players, trying to fill out that much more empty space would’ve been killer considering you’re already offering dirt cheap seating.
Onto the football team. I’m all for alternate jerseys (can we please get a black jersey this year?), but having 7 uniform combinations in the last 5 years means you’re trying too hard. And why can’t you have a quarterback with a name that isn’t just ripe for comedy? From Hunter Cant”Throw”Well to the simply goofy Adam “A”Froman (say it all together…Afroman), you can’t have a QB with a funny name if he can’t play well enough to shut people up. It’s always been my thought that if you suck at a sport, at least have a good attitude. But somehow the life of a lower mid-level D1 athlete entitles you to act however you want, from selling weed to beating up strangers to just generally being a dirtbag, you apparently can do whatever you want. When the first thing a coach does is come in and institute a series of “core values” that not only should be a moral baseline but a legal one, you’ve got a bit of a discipline problem. Also….oh no…I can’t think of anything else. Having a completely talentless non-freshman roster is bad enough, and I’m not the type of guy that would rip on somebody that can’t defend themselves on the stat sheet. So I’ll end this episode of ire with one more burn.
Good luck with a coach that was passed over more than a condom on Karen Sypher’s nightstand. Damn, I tried.
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