In the Yeeeaarrrr Two-Thousaaaand (+10): The Twitter Revolution has begun

You will be able to know what your favorite celebrity is eating…when they’re eating it

The year 2010 has a special place in science fiction. Arthur C. Clarke predicted we’d find life in our solar system (on Jupiter), Skynet was supposed to be gaining power and awareness, and we were officially supposed to be in “the future” according to our grandparents generation. Flying cars, pill-sized meals, and laser-beam warfare were all part of this fantastical future. But where do we stand now, where do we place on the glorious march of progress in humanity? Twitter.

I have never been a fan of Twitter and I make no secret of it, but it has unfortunately become pervasive in this society and the cultural fad of the last few years. In April, 87% of Americans knew about Twitter (Facebook was 88%), so it’s safe to say that pretty much Mennonites and Nonagenarians are the only people that don’t know about it. But only 7% of those people use Twitter, still 17 million strong, to voice their random thoughts in 140 word blurbs throughout the day. My general rule is if you’re not interesting or intelligent then I’m not going to listen to you, but apparently I’m in the minority. Three of the four top Tweeter’s (I’m embarrassed I know that word) are Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, and Lady Gaga. Hardly an intellectual fountain, but I digress. Twitter has made it possible for fans to connect with their favorite celebrities and ask them questions that may or may not get answered. The result? An ego explosion that could not be possible in the stone ages of 1995.

1,110,685. That is the number of people following @UKCoachCalipari. One to three times a day he just tweets out a random thought, shout-out, or tidbit of news that the Big Blue Nation jumps on like Rich Brooks on some good tomato seeds. He knows it, and he works it. Everyone remembers the “big news” that Cal hinted at for 3 days recently turned out to just be the possible formation of a JV team. Not so much exciting as it is interesting, and a way to make sure kids get playing time. But the buzz it created is representative of the kind of 14-year-old girl mentality that Twitter creates. The king of these female tweeners is Dick Vitale, whose 30,000 strong following must enjoy neck-snapping changes of excitement and sensationalist pandering. But does anyone really care that he saw “Motown Sound with Human Nature” in Vegas three days ago? No, but he wants you to care. So he mentions it, and someone reads it.

Fox sports writer and friend of all things Kentucky Jeff Goodman is also on Twitter, and his 8,000 loyal fans hang onto every word he says. I was going to bash him for the rest of the article, but his Twitter page is reasonably informative if not a little arrogant, but who can resist getting a big head when you know that many people care about what you have to say? Maybe he should get into a follower competition with Tom Crean, who has finally gotten over the 15K mark. Way to go Tom, nice try getting into it with a coach whose fanbase is more rabid than Lou Holtz at a Sansabelt sale.

So now that I can find out what Neil Patrick Harris is doing today, I think we can confidently go into the future. But if you want a real glimpse into the future, check out our Twitter page, it has a velvet rope and everything. I’m going to go find one of those futuristic sex-bots we were supposed to have by now, I’m starting in Japan.

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