Paul has already gone into some detail about why you, as any blue blooded Kentucky lover, should hate the Filthy Volunteers from the University of Tennessee. The reasons begin with the Civil War and geography itself; the states split on the battle lines and a rivalry was born. Nowadays rather than firing on each other with muskets and rifles (to which I’m not entirely opposed), we engage in events of athletic competition. And just like any other less talented but far more devious opponent, they insist on cheating and scamming their way into greatness. Whether it’s arranging for coed’s to screw recruits into committing or generally pissing everyone off, they can’t help but be everyone’s enemy. Lane Kiffin’s abrupt departure did however lead me to smile and think that he’s not such a bad guy, he just saw that nauseating day-glo orange and fell under some sort of trance.
It’s not just about the coach or their shady recruiting practices, many schools at the top of the college football scene have tip-toed the edge of allowable practices. It’s everything about them; the color (did a hunting party decide to form a college one day?), the location (middle of BFE) or their overall trashiness (no explanation needed). They abuse their mascot (wrapping a dog in thick wool in hottest part of the year) and play “Rocky Top” for every first down, tackle, interception, touchdown, completed pass, TV timeout, football timeout, and referee bathroom break. I don’t know if I ever could tolerate that song, but I know I haven’t been able to hear that song without a homicidal rage building inside since forever. And the fans. The only thing dirtier than a UT athlete is a UT fan. They are brash, rude, and will sacrifice anything for their team. Remember when a couple football players robbed a gas station with a pellet gun and then tried to run from the cops in a Prius? The guy they robbed said they should be acquitted because they were football players. Really? Just read the comments by the victim and be astounded.
But the worst part? The part that makes me want to scream, riot, and punch a baby?
The streak.
For 25 years running, UT football has triumphed against the Wildcats. the last time we won, I was still pooping my pants (and no I’m not talking about freshman year tailgate), Ronald Reagan was president, and shoulder pads were the hottest thing around. Many times the Cats have come close, only to fall in some spectacularly painful fashion. It takes cosmic intervention to keep losing like that, and it only makes me more mad.
But it’s basketball season, and Tennessee basketball is a whole new can of disgusting colored worms to hate. Besides taking Chris Lofton (which, don’t ever complain to me that we missed him, he was the 256th ranked PG in a class where we got Rondo, Ramel, and Joe Crawford), they most recently took Scotty Hopson, which is becoming fortunate, because he looks more and more smug every time I see him. Don’t even get me started on Bruce Pearl (womanizer, douchebag extraordinaire). Isn’t it hard enough being a Jew in Mexico without having Pearl coach the US men’s basketball team to an absolute rout over you in the Jewish olympics?
Whew. My rant is over and hopefully it’s gotten your blood boiling enough to understand why you should hate that technical college 170 miles south of us. Because honestly, if she always volunteers to go first, do you really want her?
This guy knows what I’m talking about
I know this video has been passed around more than Lacey Pearl Earps on a big recruiting weekend, but this has been around for years and I reference it constantly.
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